nerdofchaos:

recreationalcannibalism:

the-adequate-gatsby:

stultifyandstupefy:

derpes:

And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”

And Abraham replied, “What.”

God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.

And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”

To which they responded, “Gay.” 

And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.

see you all in hell

posted 22 hours ago with 723,972 notes via (deansjunkbox)
#text #funny

➝ When you don't speak a language but know when you're supposed to say yes

whenyoureathirdculturekid:

eofelis:

eofelis:

but why are french people so rude!!" you ask

well

it’s because our national symbol is a cock

image

so we can’t help being dicks

this is my post with the most notes and it’s a dick joke

posted 4 days ago with 21,279 notes via (gabriels-moose) source
#text #funny

itsstuckyinmyhead:

Best Tumblr Responses #3

more?

Set #2

posted 4 days ago with 18,492 notes via (gabriels-moose) source
#funny #tumblr

what-the-hells-going-on:

amroyounes:

Lies we tell our kids.  Found this from the postsecret blog.

THEYRE ALL CUTE AND FUNNY UNTIL YOU GET TO THE LAST ONE AND THEN YOU ARE ASSAULTED BY FEELINGS

posted 4 days ago with 461,111 notes via (gabriels-moose) source
#text

oldgray:

fromseveralroomsaway:

leannewoodfull:

lutefisktacoandbeer:

kittymudface:

It gets better—the guy is deaf, and he taught his cat the sign for “food.” So the cat’s not just saying “put that in my mouth,” it’s actually signing

Not only that, but if you notice at the beginning, the cat *gets the man’s attention* as any person who wanted to talk to a deaf/hoh individual would (well, and vice versa IME). I’ve done sign since I was 5, and generally, w/o eye contact initially, you wave a hand or lightly touch the arm (if that’s ok with the person you’re trying to converse with, of course). Generally, adult cats meow mostly to humans, but this cat has figured out that’s not going to work and has adapted. Animal companions! They are INCREDIBLE.

Amazing.

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS CAT.

this is pretty remarkable 

oldgray:

fromseveralroomsaway:

leannewoodfull:

lutefisktacoandbeer:

kittymudface:

It gets better—the guy is deaf, and he taught his cat the sign for “food.” So the cat’s not just saying “put that in my mouth,” it’s actually signing

Not only that, but if you notice at the beginning, the cat *gets the man’s attention* as any person who wanted to talk to a deaf/hoh individual would (well, and vice versa IME). I’ve done sign since I was 5, and generally, w/o eye contact initially, you wave a hand or lightly touch the arm (if that’s ok with the person you’re trying to converse with, of course). 
Generally, adult cats meow mostly to humans, but this cat has figured out that’s not going to work and has adapted. Animal companions! They are INCREDIBLE.

Amazing.

EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND LOOK AT THIS CAT.

this is pretty remarkable 

posted 5 days ago with 647,040 notes via (gabriels-moose) source
#animals #cat #awesome

lotrlockedwhovian:

winchester-kelly:

badgerdash-cumberquat:

the—superwholockian:

twistedthicket1:

trypophobic-canine:

perks-of-being-chinese:

heroscafe:

everyonesfavoriteging:

my-weeping-angel:

eatsleepcrap:

syd224:

eatsleepcrap:

wincherlockedintardis:

even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk

*straightens calculator*
It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are:
n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries

*straightens calculator again*
Kick the fucking door in

well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it.

some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here


No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

Sherlock out.

woah.

it got better

and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.
The light is green.
The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

This is “top 10 favorite posts” level.

lotrlockedwhovian:

winchester-kelly:

badgerdash-cumberquat:

the—superwholockian:

twistedthicket1:

trypophobic-canine:

perks-of-being-chinese:

heroscafe:

everyonesfavoriteging:

my-weeping-angel:

eatsleepcrap:

syd224:

eatsleepcrap:

wincherlockedintardis:

even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk

*straightens calculator*

It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are:

n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries

*straightens calculator again*

Kick the fucking door in

well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it.

some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here

image

No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

image

Sherlock out.

woah.

it got better

and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.

The light is green.

The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

This is “top 10 favorite posts” level.

posted 5 days ago with 429,527 notes via (gabriels-moose)
#text #funny
posted 1 week ago with 128,040 notes via (zackisontumblr) source
#text #funny

unfollower:

peekaboo is essentially just making fun of babies for not understanding object permanence 

posted 1 week ago with 110,810 notes via (zackisontumblr) source
#text #funny

bonnie-rose:

Expat & Third Culture Kid | #tck #expat #thirdculturekid #quote #joanneharris

bonnie-rose:

Expat & Third Culture Kid | #tck #expat #thirdculturekid #quote #joanneharris

posted 1 week ago with 8 notes via (bonnie-rose)
#TCK #tck life #accurate #quote

“As a TCK, it doesn’t matter where we are in the world, what the people around us look like, what language they speak, what their beliefs are, or what cultures define them; we are always, always, a minority. The type of person we have become, the life we have led and the world we have created forces us into a realm of our own. We are understood only by other TCKs, but even the TCKs that know us don’t know the cultural hodgepodge that rages inside of us.”
http://thirdculturekidlife.com/2012/05/11/the-tck-minority-coefficient/
posted 1 week ago with 18 notes via (tumbling-kahn)
#TCK #tck life #accurate

➝ When you wake up after a jet lag "nap"

whenyoureathirdculturekid:

n0-p0st-0n-sunday:

pvnkslut:

If you pull me on your lap there is a 101% chance I’m going to make out with you.

i would advise you to avoid santa

posted 1 week ago with 237,241 notes via (zackisontumblr) source
#text #funny

cakejam:

adobe-outdesign:

sociallychallengednerd:

what if lawn mowers are so loud because they have to cover the screams of the grass being massacred. 

http://media.tumblr.com/9e0ccfbe05bb74b6c1070ff6c2a54558/tumblr_inline_mjwffvintM1qz4rgp.gif

wow what version of windows do u have this is 2014

posted 1 week ago with 222,258 notes via (dutchster) source
#text #funny

princeburrito:

date people you see yourself walking down Main Street of Disneyland with. 

posted 1 week ago with 61,242 notes via (palmtreesandkisses) source
#text #accurate